Dear men #3

As I grew older and began seeing my friends get married my Pop would say, “Women marry men thinking men will change, but they don’t. While men marry women thinking women won’t change, but they do.” This is not an airtight statement, but I have considered if there be any validity to it. My conclusion is that traditionally women are more vulnerable with their thoughts and emotions than men are. Without vulnerability I don’t believe true change can occur. This being the case, there is a kernel of truth to my Pop’s statement.

The goal of the christian life is to become more and more transformed into the image of Christ (Rm. 8:29). Put simply: sanctified change is the goal. But if we as men are not vulnerable we introduce a major barrier to this change. 1 John 1:7 says , “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” This verse offers sanctified change: cleansing from our sin. But the way to get there is vulnerability: if we walk in the light as he is in the light then we have fellowship with one another. Implicitly this means that if we are going to walk in the light as Jesus then this entails us bringing our sin into the light among brothers. Bringing my sin into the light before Jesus in my closet will not create a fellowship with “one another.” In other words, if we are going to attain the goal of sanctified change then vulnerability is key.

This verse, along with the consequences I have experienced in my life by not being vulnerable, have convinced me that we must have a brother(s) to share the details of our hearts with. Tangibly this means that it is not enough to share that you got angry with someone recently. This is too ambiguous and allows our deceitful heart to hide. To bring our sin into the light with others looks like: I got angry with someone recently and in my mind I cussed them and thought of pummeling them bloody.

This kind of confession has 3 effects. The first is that by bringing the details of your sin into the light you don’t provide any further room for your sin to explode into maturity. James 1:14-15 says, “But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.” Secondly, by confessing the details of our sin a sort of healthy shame which leads to humility occurs. When we voice the details of our sin we are reminded that there is truly nothing good in us. This in turn reminds us of our desperate need of Jesus and how without his grace there is precious little standing between us and the fulfillment of our deadly sins. Finally, by confessing the details of our sin a fellowship with another brother(s) is formed (1 John 1:7).

No temptation seizes us except what is common to man (1 Cor. 10:13), be it anger, lust, or greed. We are bound to fall into these traps if we refuse to be vulnerable with one another. Remember what James tells us, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” This is the promise and our hope. The sanctifying change that Jesus means to work in us is simply: healing.

I literally asked a few men in my life if they would be willing to be the kind of brother for me that I could confess the details of my heart to and hold me accountable and vice versa. I’ll admit, I felt a bit like a loser asking this. But the consequence of not having such bonds are too severe and the hope of being healed is too great to forsake. So take the courageous step towards vulnerability with a brother(s) and watch how our king begins to change you for his glory and your healing.  


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H. Morgan Nix
City Pastor
Blueprint Church
Blueprintchurch.org

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